I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
