What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We have so much sex to catch up on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
