Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
