OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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