a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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