She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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