omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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