The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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