I can feel you judging me through the phone.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
