I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
