I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
