it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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