woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
