So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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