just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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