I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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