why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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