dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
