She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
