I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
