we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
