You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
