I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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