Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she peed on how many people?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
