I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
