this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
