Umm I'm too high to move.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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