Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
