I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
