One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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