we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
