I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
