wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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