i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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