My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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