No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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