You really coming over, don't trick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
