woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
