when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
