Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
handjob tips. give me some.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
