those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
