I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
