I got chris browned last night
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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