Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
