I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Green mimosas i think yes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
