Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
