Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
