It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My life is pants optional.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
