why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
