I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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