Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
