I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
