My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
