Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
