i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
