Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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