Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
