I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
