don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
