I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
