cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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