I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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