Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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