Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
