I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
